Small town, small mind
Predominately white, close-minded town unwelcoming to new ideas and beliefs.
October 15, 2020
Hometowns can be very welcoming, but only if you share the same beliefs.
For a long time, I didn’t think of my town as an overly judgemental and small-minded place, not until I ventured out into the world. Leaving home, even for a three-week vacation allowed me to open my mind to different opinions and learn from different people. I wanted to talk about the things I learned, but I couldn’t. If I did, I would’ve been ridiculed.
When people think of California, some would assume that the entire state is liberal and open to new ideas and people, but that’s far from the truth. In the Central Valley, there are so many small towns that are stuck in the past, and they consider any new idea wrong and dangerous.
With many small and conservative towns, people within the community know a lot about everyone. Families from the church meet up at the town country club, donate money to the private school, and gossip about high school drama and politics.
The majority of the town’s population were older people who still hold the same ideals from decades before, and pass those same close-minded beliefs to their children and grandchildren. The children didn’t know what else to believe, they were raised to think everything the adults said was right.
High school students, including myself, were expected to believe what they were told without question.
Going to a private high school where everyone knew everyone, it was hard not to agree with the other students. Going to the same school for 13 years made everyone feel like family, we all knew and cared about each other.
But when you hear something you don’t agree with, you want to speak up, but you can’t because you are ridiculed by other students and even faculty. At sports events, some boys wave MAGA flags next to the American flags, and could make jokes about other political parties, calling them “mentally ill” and “crazy”.
Parents, including my own, voiced concerns about this but they would get someone giving a light shrug and a phrase like, “It’s just the way it is” as a response.
It is a toxic environment that only allowed one opinion to be voiced, and no one could debate it. If someone did, teachers and students would likely make jokes about them in front of the whole class, causing the student to appear as a black sheep.
By voicing a different opinion, you would very easily have a target on your back.
“Are you still a feminist?” “You watch too much CNN.” “You can’t be liberal and a Christian.”
If a young adult disagreed with something, they could move away after high school graduation and go to college so they can finally speak their mind. For some, college is home away from home, a place where they can finally find themselves and explore their identity.
When they leave home for the first time, they realize that they have been sheltered most of their lives, but they find that the beliefs that have been pressured into them conflict with the new views they may want to adopt.
It’s an internal crisis.
But when they return for the holidays, they have to prepare to be quiet again.
Some older college students could come home and find their high school friends would have nothing to do with them.
“Look what happened, she left for school and came back liberal.”
“But it’s liberal up there, they’ll brainwash you,” someone said to me.
But in reality, it’s the small-minded, small towns that are brainwashing people. They’re like little countries that separate themselves from the rest of the world; where the only thing connecting it to the outside world is the freeway. Other than that, time stands still there, nothing changes despite the many generations that had been raised in those towns.
Private Christian schools, especially in small towns, one may even be required to take a course in Christian marriage and family, where a teacher would teach from one perspective and condemn other lifestyles they might not agree with. And if one was not comfortable with what was being taught, the student could find their grade significantly reduced.
When it came to politics, the school faculty may be known to express their own opinions in class lectures, and expect students to agree with them and not debate. In classes like history, the teacher might even skip parts of the book because they believed them to be controversial.
During the summer, when protests were being held due to the killings of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, the TV widely televised some of the few protests that became violent. But small-town people tend to get filtered news from their neighbors and some biased news channels. And my town only chose to believe one version of the story.
Small American towns are known to be hotspots for white supremacy, mine was. and seeing how the media portrayed the protests as violent riots, people would have been very scared, not knowing what was going to happen. Seeing the violence shown on television, and the town receiving threats of violence on social media, adults encouraged me and other students to set the house alarm and load a gun.
Luckily, nothing violent occurred. The town experienced very peaceful rallies, much to the citizens’ surprise, and the social media threats turned out to be sick pranks.
People in small towns can be relatively nice until someone shows up with a different opinion, and if there is a college that is more welcoming to ideas, students could come home with an open mind, but will never be looked at the same way.
That’s the beauty of going to college, especially in Seattle. It’s beautiful, diverse, gritty, full of opinions and experiences. It’s where someone can be themselves, and not worry about being shunned by an entire population.
The thought of going back, and having to deal with the same close-minded people is not appealing, but one has to hold on to the hope that someday things will be different.
I 1000% love this article and I agree with most things you mentioned in it. I’m a 27 year old African American woman. Your experience greatly matches my experiences of growing up in a horrible, boring, close minded southern small town in NC where the people have a lot of the same attitudes that you’ve mentioned. My experiences were almost exactly the same as yours. Shelby, NC is full of people who can be stuck in the past and resistant to social change or any new ideas; this is a small town where the older generation especially, but many of the younger people around my age, still have this mentality of settling down right after high school or in their early twenties to have a few kids out of wedlock or within some coupled relationship or marriage just because that’s what their parents or peers expect them to do; they’ve been brainwashed since their earliest years to think that they’re obligated to become parents at a young age and the culture pushes them to have kids just because….that’s the way it’s supposed to be or the way it’s always been done. It’s probably rarely presented as a choice whether they ultimately have kids. They’re just expected to because it’s an obligation or something that’s always been done.
I have nothing against people who simply value the lifestyle of having children at a young age and those who emphasize family life. Those are their values, but I don’t agree with that kind of lifestyle. I hate that lifestyle. I think that having kids in your early twenties or right after high school is a boring, restrictive, undesirable lifestyle for someone like me who prefers my peace, quiet, solitude and prefers spending time doing my favorite hobbies and interests. I’ve never wanted to have children of my own and I’m not going to have children of my own unless I become a foster care parent and adopt two children from foster care. I’m also happily single and I’ve always enjoyed my choice to not be in a relationship because, again, I prefer my peace, quiet and solitude and time for indulge in my interests. The only time I desired to have a boyfriend was during some of my earlier college years. Someday, it’d be nice to get a husband. But people are commonly stigmatized or at least criticized and thought of as broken, lonely or “something’s wrong with you” if they don’t conform to the norm of getting a partner and some kids by a certain age in this small town area.
Many of both the older and younger population in Shelby, NC stigmatize any non-traditional, liberal or left-leaning ideas, values or beliefs. It’s a place where most people just listen to Fox News all the time and where only Fox News plays on the channels at certain businesses. I’m a liberal; I have moderate – liberal political values, both Christian and secular values, liberal political views about specific issues but I also believe in some conservative moral values, conservative social values, and some right-wing political views about certain things based on what I’ve found in facts, evidence and my own priorities and values. I fully support LGBT marriage and LGBT adoption of children. I am a happy and proud feminist, because I believe that feminism has improved society as a philosophy and social movement. Shelby, NC is a culturally and politically conservative small town that has always resisted new ideas or different ideas that didn’t conform to the status quo; it also has a long history of allowing white supremacist violence, racial discrimination and lack separatism. The highway called East Dixon Blvd. was named after a very racist writer who was born and raised in Shelby, NC. I was fully indoctrinated into a fundamentalist, evangelical, conservative Christian church called the Seventh-day Adventist church but I drank all the Coolaid because I was expected to believe that without question. But, I went to college and decided to start thinking for myself and live my life according to my preferred values rather than the ones imposed upon me through being indoctrinated into an authoritarian religion and authoritarian culture.
I’m from a small town in NC (Shelby) where the culture and mentality is full of the hypocritical, cherry-picking, cultural Christians who ignore parts of the Bible that they don’t like and they don’t actually follow its lifestyle teaches when it pertains to their lifestyle. Yet they call themselves conservative and they stigmatize atheists and “the liberals” to some extent. The hypocritical, cherry-picking, closeminded cultural Christians never go to church, don’t read the Bible or obey what it says but church is a glorified social club for them even when they ignore many of the Bible’s teachings. These are the same people who have premarital sex, sleep around with different people and have a few kids out of wedlock by three different people but these same hypocritical people will condemn homosexuality and they condemn gay marriage and they’ll quickly call a man “gay” if he doesn’t seem to conform to some narrow standards of masculinity as defined by the community. You have people who care so much about having kids or acting a certain way just to follow someone else’ expectations for how to live, because they never questioned the values they were taught, or to fit in with their peers or to fit in with the dominant norms and they stigmatize those who are happily single and don’t want a relationship or they stigmatize people who don’t want kids or they stigmatize people who are different in some ways that doesn’t fit in with the dominant norms of talking, thinking and acting in the small town. Back in the 90s and early 2000s, there was probably more stigma against those things.
Especially during the earlier 90s and 2000s, as I grew up, there was a lot of close mindedness toward people for being different in even the silliest, non-consequential ways. I was picked on and disrespected for being a quiet, reserved black girl; I was picked on because I spoke differently from others; if you were a black person listening to rock, you’d be criticized or teased; I was accused of “talking white” and “acting white”. I say that most other black people around me have been my own worst enemies because it’s true; it’s been my experience that most of the people who harassed or criticized me for being different were other black people who were close minded, immature and misguided black people who learned toxic ideas from their own close minded upbringing. A lot of them followed the expectations to get knocked up with a few kids right after high school or in their early twenties because that’s what they were taught in their hood culture, churches and family backgrounds. I’m thankful for my wonderful mom, who never pressured me to have kids or to be in a relationship just to follow someone else’ expectations or to fit in with boring, traditional and close minded people.
The problem is that liberal colleges often try to silence conservative voices as well. We would benefit from both sides having an open dialogue.
I dislike people who are overly closed minded, rude, hostile and fault-finding toward those different from themselves and it doesn’t matter if they’re liberal or conservative or anything else. It sucks to be around anyone who is acting disrespectful, critical and abrasive toward you because you are different from them in some way. Small towns demand conformity and they can sometimes have this mentality. Although any small, insular group of people can bully or stigmatize someone who stands out as “different” and who doesn’t fit in with the group’s norms or dynamics. It sucks to be stuck around people who aren’t compatible with your values and it sucks to be around people who think or behave in ways you obviously hate. I was born and raised in a small town called Shelby, NC and I’ve always hated its culture and its way of life has never been compatible with my values. I’m socially moderate – socially liberal, depending upon the issue; and I’m fiscally conservative – fiscally liberal, depending upon the issue. I hate the regressive left, social justice warrior, far left, overly politically correct stupidity on many public universities.
I’m a proud and happy liberal and I’m a secular person, but I see the nonsense in the regressive left and extremist liberal groups. I also hate ultra socially conservative values that are ultimately rooted in the boring, repressive, stifling and conformist 1950’s and 1850’s eras. Whether it’s in a small town setting or it’s on a college campus, no one should use political correctness or any other mentality to silence those with whom they disagree. I have a right to express my opinions, beliefs and values and I respect the rights of others to do the same even if I don’t agree. There are extremist liberals participating in cancel culture and other ridiculous forms of censorship of conservative voices. It’s hypocritical and counterproductive. However, there are tons of conservatives in small town areas (like the article mentioned) who do attempt to silence and stifle liberal voices or anyone or anything that doesn’t conform to their perspective or their small town mentality. There are also conservatives who treat liberals with disrespect and contempt.
I know what it’s like to grow up feeling like an outsider in a small town where people bullied or picked on anyone who was different from the norm or anyone who didn’t conform to the town’s status quo. I’m not talking about political conservatism; I’m talking about closed mindedness, bullying and hostility toward anyone who was different or unfamiliar to what the small town’s people grew up being taught was “normal” or “acceptable”. It’s annoying and exhausting to be stuck in a terrible community around boring, fault-finding, hostile, fault-finding, closed minded whose values are not compatible with your own. I hate gridiron football; I think it’s one of the most boring sports ever. I was raised in a small town with high school football, college football and the NFL as a huge part of the culture. If you don’t enjoy the lifestyle, you don’t fit in. I just hate many aspects of the boring, stifling, unartistic, football-obsessed, traditional culture that pervades small town life in the American South. I went to a public university in Charlotte, NC and I earned a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree from it. While there, I found the lifestyle that fits my values. I love Asheville, NC as well; Asheville also fits my values and preferred lifestyle.
I agree. When I first moved to a small town in Nebraska, I thought I was going to be welcomed like an Andy Griffith episode. Instead, I was met with uncomfortable stares, polite conversations that didn’t go past…hello and where are you from. I kept being told, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are just different. I am Hispanic and my husband is white but he’s originally from the area…but even that didn’t help. I was told by family and friends to just be myself but it still seemed like the more I was myself, the more people were turned off. I beat my head the first year of moving here to figure out what was wrong. So, I started asking people who seemed uncomfortable around me if I offended them and apologized like I had been taught to do. Apparently that made matters worse. In no time at all, I got the reputation of being confrontational ( which wasn’t what I was trying to do at all.) I got more uncomfortable smiles and stares and phoney smiles. Then a year ago my husband and I got into an incident with a senior member of the community and I was told by a local pastor that since he’d known him and his family longer he could no longer associate with me and my family. And I’ve played hell getting rid of the outcast label these assholes who are supposed to be God fearing and accepting put on me. I am very frustrated. Thankfully though, I have been able to make some good friends and acquaintances who treat me and my children with decency.
I was google searching what to call some attitudes where people of a close knit community do not want to let outsiders come in and accept the wave of change and I came across your article. You have hit the nail in right place.
This is what the problem is. close minded mentality. Thanks for sharing it.
My challenge is how to deal with it and is it possible to change it ?